Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Literature / Student XairathanUnited States Recent Activity
Deviant for 6 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 64 Deviations 459 Comments 4,359 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

A Moment
They say falling into a black hole will turn you to spaghetti. They're wrong. Natalie knows this as fact; that she's standing alive and inelastic in the command module of her craft is proof.
A point- it's not exactly her craft. It is hers by nature that she's the highest ranking officer left aboard the ship, and it helps that the only other person alive isn't even an officer at all, but the shrink assigned to the mission to ensure everyone's mental stability. Not like that matters any longer- they're falling into a black hole. Once you're in, you can't come out; if you do, you've just created a paradox.
But the real paradox, Natalie thinks, is standing next to her in front of the other double window, grasping her hand. The shrink, their supposed anchor, Christina.
The light from the accretion disc shines gold in Christina's hair. In zero-G, Natalie imagines they could be an accretion disc of their own, a halo of hair feathering around Christina's head, the center of her own individual
:iconsigmasword:SigmaSword 1 0
The Sea is Red
The sea is red. It laps at their bare feet like the tongues of a thousand devoted supplicants. In it is reflected the twilight, the mixing of perfect midnight and unearthly crimson. The sky prostrates itself before them, before the one who slew a god, and the other who slew its prophets and bathed in their blood. It is unnatural. Their hands lay a lifetime’s distance apart, separated by an inch of pristine white sand. It is right. The sky is violet and the sea is red.
The sky is violet and the sea is red. A head towers at the edge of the horizon, bisected down the middle and lying on an alabaster cheek. The eternal smile is still painted across its face, pasty teeth bared, surrounded by rigid flesh like mountains. There is no wind nor life upon it to desecrate the last remnants of the fallen Maker. The sea around it is red, and so its single, unseeing eye.
The sea is red and the sky is violet. His hands close upon the throat of the only other living body, the Eve to his Adam; the
:iconsigmasword:SigmaSword 2 2
She hides everything from the world: no fleeting glances of red-rimmed eyes hidden behind panes of lies; no broken sonatas on the wind. She coats each day with fifty percent smile, thirty percent optimism, and twenty percent delusion. The rest is irrelevant.
She hides everything from a world that has taken more than it has to offer, which would probably owe her a galaxy and a half if it had to refund tax returns. Each scathing comment catapulted from careless tongues glances off a shield of perfect crystal, perfect because it shatters so easily once she's safe at home, and yet never damages her.
She hides everything from an unforgiving tempest that is life, and success is an eye in a whirling hell, that only the lucky and wise can reach. She is neither, and has clung to the same sopping piece of driftwood since she was sucked in to the storm. She defies the odds, but no one, not even her, can see it.
She hides broken glass and bleeding arms and maddened glances and torn strands.
She hi
:iconsigmasword:SigmaSword 1 1
Please Tell Me
They gave her to me when she was two. They went through the fabric store, through a row filled with I and my hundred siblings, and chose me. One side of me was rougher than the other, and she loved it and rubbed holes in it with her touch.
She grew older, but for the first few years, she remained the same, and between the eight little "blankies" that were made from I and one other strand of cloth, she lost five. I wasn't there when she pitched face-forward onto the brick mantel, but her mother brought me back just so I could comfort her as they stitched her forehead back together.
There were a washer and a dryer of Maytag make in the house, and I visited them once a month. We became good friends, and they always treated me gently, to make sure my tears didn't rip further and the girl who relied on me would always have some form of tactile comfort.  
I heard the names she whispered in her sleep, both heroes of distant lands and everyday life, more the former than the latter. Saw th
:iconsigmasword:SigmaSword 0 1
Time Enough At Last
You say everything's gonna be fine
Just before the guillotine drops
You say it'll all turn out right
In the moment the fire catches me
You say you'll always be there
And leave before the echoes start
Time and time again you tell me
Time and time again you fail me
:iconsigmasword:SigmaSword 1 0
The Crying Stars
The first time her feet touch the earthen soil, it's in the ancient times of the Roman Empire. The celestial being turned human, on her first mission to earth, can barely hold in her excitement. She takes in the sights, the sounds, reveling in the feeling of air brushing across her skin. The men of the city cast her strange glances, stare at her with hungry eyes. She pays no attention. Stars have no experience with human lust; they're above emotion, or at least, they're supposed to be.
Perhaps that's why there's no words that can express her grief when she remembers the true reason she's there on that broken soil, specifically where she stands. She gazes skyward, silver hair blazing with heaven-sent power, at the lip of a dormant volcano. She reaches down, unsure of what this large release of energy will mean, but resting assured in the knowledge that doing this, here and now, was most certainly what she was sent here to do.
The resulting explosion throws the star back, far into the he
:iconsigmasword:SigmaSword 0 0
Tell me when you're coming back
So I can tell you welcome home
Tell me when I can step aside
And give to you this cursed throne
Tell me while the tears are falling
That you'll never leave my side
Tell me while the clock's still ticking
We will not run out of time
Tell me when the sun is shining
That there's no such thing as night
Only stars dancing above us
Tell me I can leave my fight
Tell my sins that they're forgiven
Tell my doubts to leave my side
Tell my footsteps not to falter
Tell this decade to rewind
I refuse to see this present
I refuse to seek this past
I refuse to find the future
In this world of shifting masks
Not this present full of rivers
Shaped by tears of eons gone
Not this future come unbidden
In a universe gone wrong
Take my bucker by the handle
Take dimension by the hand
Travel forward into starlight
Seize it and you'll take command
Turn a tragedy into something
More beautiful than you or I
Turn away this gift of living
For those who touch these bright stars-
:iconsigmasword:SigmaSword 0 0
The Tree
She held me-
Or at least she tried
To grab my hand when I fell-
But maybe I was wrong and she was never reaching for me
Instead pushing me off
And I read it all wrong
There was a tree we used to climb
With razor leaves that cut the light
And oaken platforms, sturdy
Like I thought our friendship to be
But one stormy night
When the wind was fierce and I couldn't sleep
I walked on a limb, eyes closed like the stars
And fell
She left me there in the branches
With the thorns and the spiders
And everything else
I climbed back up
Finding my way
Tearing the bark from the tree
And lodging it under my fingernails
Picking at the remnants with bloodied lips
That spewed curses
As much as they did crimson
Til we stood on even ground
With the illusion that each of us stood higher
She because she was stronger, I-
I because I was Right
But we were liars
Until we lay on bruised pulp
And sprawled our limbs across the canopy of green
We were not satisfied
Until red dripped from the sky
Cracks spiderwebbin
:iconsigmasword:SigmaSword 1 0
The Lake
'Twas an early Monday morning
when the cold was sharp as knives
and the light reflected 'pon the clouds
blazed like a thousand eyes
It smelled of smoke and mirrors
'cause that's what you smelled like
Mysterious as the morning fog
and packaged like dry ice
Near arboreal paths you traveled
I searched for a year or two
following the piper's music
yet never finding you
The tantalizing organ echoes
sighing across the waves
howling up the sheer cliff faces
that would come to mark your grave
On a moonless night I saw you
carnations twined in your hair
Oh, your body had stayed unchanging
but that fire wasn't there
Whatever shadow possessed you
completed what I had seen-
The turning of a genius artist
into a heartless machine
So what you had once finished
with sharp and detailed lines
foretold what you were to become-
A robot prophesied
And on that day we parted
without a word of thanks
I did not know I'd forever lost you
on those misty banks
You gave in to your demons
those troubling sisters t
:iconsigmasword:SigmaSword 1 0
To The Muse
I didn't believe them when they called me
And roused me from my bed
At three in the goddamn morning
To tell me they found you dead
I jumped out into the damp twilight
That'd just gotten ten degrees colder
The dew on my skin was nothing
When compare with the tearstains on my shoulder
The gas pedal left marks on my bare foot
And the seatbelt bit into my side
From where I bent over at stoplights
And let the tears leak from my eyes
They restrained me in the lobby-
It took five security men
And I waited 'til eight in the morning
Before they would let me in
Through the quietest hallways I treaded
My tangoing heart still aflame
Oh how could I fail you so badly
Did you even remember my name?
Your face hadn't changed since I met you
Save for but a few bloodied lines
I guess whoever ran you down
Failed to appreciate beauty that night
And I stood there, a sentry 'til evening
Just pressing your hand to mine
'Til the others ran in and saw us
So I turned and left them behind
To this day they don't k
:iconsigmasword:SigmaSword 0 0
Tell Me
Would it have been better if you fed me a lie
Said that you couldn't go, you were busy that night
If you'd told me that then would I not feel inside
This cloud of emotions I struggle to hide
Would it have been better if you told me no
Had people to tutor and places to go
If you'd told me something I couldn't have known
Perhaps I'd have something in my heart to show
Would it have been better if you said farewell
Let our friendship crumble away like a shell
It wouldn't be good, but it'd still fare more well
Than you and I stuck in this tango from hell
Please tell me if what you're saying's a lie
I don't have much left to give you tonight
Just a hole of a heart that won't let me decide
If I should let go or stay there by your side
:iconsigmasword:SigmaSword 0 0
Black Holes
There's a look in your eyes
like black holes in the sky - Pink Floyd

They say a black hole is infinitely vast
That is power is so great not even light can escape
And if speed is power, then by that logic
a black hole should be the fastest thing in the universe,
but it isn't.
A black hole is slow, agonizingly so
It builds and builds and I don't know
if anyone's ever seen one die, but in my mind
it's always with a blast that shatters galaxies
and leaves nothing behind but desolate darkness
I used to be a star
Shining in a field filled with other stars,
a galaxy
            of shining celestial beings
And when I was with them everything was bright and wonderful
But even stars must die, and the light
soon began to fade from all but a select few,
a constellation of friends
one of which began to shine stronger than all the others
and to me he was beautiful
       yet so far away
and it seemed no one saw his light
Before the celestial s
:iconsigmasword:SigmaSword 1 0

Excerpt from the journal of Aaron Tairunas

People always told me that High School would be the best time of my life. I don’t think boarding school in the middle of nowhere is what they meant. I know they didn’t mean that I’d have my first taste of war when I was still in my teen years. I understand now why, after the Vietnam War, no one would speak of it. War is hard. Experiencing it at such a young age makes a person bitter, and again, I would know.
High school, for most, is a nostalgic place with a lot of memories behind it. I’ve heard from some of my junior high friends that they still go back to visit, every now and then. Not me. When I go back, all I can remember is the blood coating the walls, the screams echoing in the Quad, and hell, I still get nightmares about the place sometimes. It’s been twenty years, and some of the scars still haven’t faded.
People love, and people lose. I, cast into hell at age seventeen, managed to do both an
:iconsigmasword:SigmaSword 0 0
In someone's eyes he's still a boy,
To others he's a man
They chose someone inadequate
To end the task at hand
The dreams are long since shattered
Their remnants on the floor
And what survived of blissful days
Is waltzing out the door
What light shone down from far above
Is long since lost within
The glare of lights from city Vice
And all its dwellers' sin
And so will silent answers scream
Into the sunlit skies
Where all the stars who fall to earth
Are thus fated to die
:iconsigmasword:SigmaSword 0 0
The lights in the room wavered indecisively. Sidell glanced up at the ceiling, raising a finger to his glasses, as he always did when he was nervous. Above him, the chandelier was swaying.
It was the third night in a row that the Spade's forces had come through the city on bombing runs. Sidell and his parents had taken shelter in an underground bunker along with many of his neighbors, but not all the citizens had refused to leave. A shameful retreat, they called it. And they would pay for it with their lives.
The crying of a baby split the tense midnight silence. Sidell closed his eyes and slumped to the side, toying with the folded-paper claws on the end of his hand. If he could just walk up to the Spade and claw him across the face-
Sidell's eyes fluttered shut and he fell into a deep sleep.
It's been ten years since Bastion was destroyed by the Spade's strafing runs. In the end, not even the bunkers were safe: instead of sending bombs,
:iconsigmasword:SigmaSword 0 0
The Hill Down the Street
There used to be a hill down the street from my house
At a twelve-minute walk or an eight-minute run
It didn't really matter
Mom used to tell me how Dad took her up there
on cloudless nights when you could see both the city
and the stars
And there'd be three Saturns, at the least-
one in the sky, two parked atop grassy beds
And a Lincoln parked facing downhill 'cause its engine wouldn't start
When the only galaxy you were looking at
wasn't in your palm-
it was right where you lived, overhead, 24/7
and a millisecond
The only snail mail you had to put up with
was the package from Newark that should've come last night-
Today no one cares as long as the email's received
and they can't even tell if Mexico's north or south of us
For the record, Newark is east, at least, from where I sit as I write-
And speaking of writing
My little brother can't even read cursive
that went out of the curriculum years ago
along with art, recorder lessons, and choir-
Well, that explains Nicki Minaj
:iconsigmasword:SigmaSword 1 0


TRONxEVA by zaphyrae TRONxEVA :iconzaphyrae:zaphyrae 4 0 Asurei .:SKETCH:. by xtechnology-1 Asurei .:SKETCH:. :iconxtechnology-1:xtechnology-1 9 1 Eva by necrophade Eva :iconnecrophade:necrophade 32 4 Commission Xairathan - Asuka and Rei by FKDemetri Commission Xairathan - Asuka and Rei :iconfkdemetri:FKDemetri 24 0 CMS: Mari by Nanabbi CMS: Mari :iconnanabbi:Nanabbi 12 3 CMS: Asuka by Nanabbi CMS: Asuka :iconnanabbi:Nanabbi 18 5 CMS: Rei by Nanabbi CMS: Rei :iconnanabbi:Nanabbi 15 2 Old Evangelion by Lord--Opal Old Evangelion :iconlord--opal:Lord--Opal 167 23 let's go Rei by MakotoMolko let's go Rei :iconmakotomolko:MakotoMolko 67 10 Evangelion Rebuild - Rei and Asuka by mind-crash Evangelion Rebuild - Rei and Asuka :iconmind-crash:mind-crash 125 8 Hot and Cold by Achiru-et-al Hot and Cold :iconachiru-et-al:Achiru-et-al 205 34 Reisuka by cosmichoney Reisuka :iconcosmichoney:cosmichoney 21 1 Gum Game by therealTKtakeru Gum Game :icontherealtktakeru:therealTKtakeru 11 6 Eva pilots by BrotherToastyCakes Eva pilots :iconbrothertoastycakes:BrotherToastyCakes 15 2 All's Right with the World by ToniK9 All's Right with the World :icontonik9:ToniK9 121 23 core by necrophade core :iconnecrophade:necrophade 16 2


Artist | Student | Literature
United States
Merchant savant. Gamer. Writer. Practically insane.

Quote of the moment: "The way out is through."
And now we know why I don't use Deviantart. :fail: 

I'll be uploading everything as soon as I figure out how to PDF everything.

I'm technologically competent, I promise! 

  • Listening to: -
  • Reading: Roleplay threads
  • Watching: Neon Genesis Evangelion
  • Playing: -
  • Eating: -
  • Drinking: -

Journal History


They say falling into a black hole will turn you to spaghetti. They're wrong. Natalie knows this as fact; that she's standing alive and inelastic in the command module of her craft is proof.

A point- it's not exactly her craft. It is hers by nature that she's the highest ranking officer left aboard the ship, and it helps that the only other person alive isn't even an officer at all, but the shrink assigned to the mission to ensure everyone's mental stability. Not like that matters any longer- they're falling into a black hole. Once you're in, you can't come out; if you do, you've just created a paradox.

But the real paradox, Natalie thinks, is standing next to her in front of the other double window, grasping her hand. The shrink, their supposed anchor, Christina.

The light from the accretion disc shines gold in Christina's hair. In zero-G, Natalie imagines they could be an accretion disc of their own, a halo of hair feathering around Christina's head, the center of her own individual galaxy. But for now they have enough power to keep the artificial gravity on, and so her hair remains flat, ordinary, unimpressive.

"You know they say the last moments in a black hole are just one continued moment," Natalie speaks into the silence. Her words are like molasses; cloying and seeping into the pockets of silence they find. Christina doesn't do this science-talk; Natalie knows that. But she goes on anyway. "It's just a single moment until you hit the singularity in the middle of it all. And then no one knows what happens, since no one's ever gone in before."

"If they would, we wouldn't know, would we?" Christina's tone is flat, as it always is; she's accepted her coming death long ago, and now everything seems boring to her. But she's using 'we' rather than 'I', and Natalie takes this to be a good omen. She needs these now, especially since there are no longer days and nights to call good or bad, just one long-lasting moment that drags on like the skeins of light around them.

"No. We wouldn't. We wouldn't even know it was a moment- we'll just..." Natalie doesn't know what the word is. They might not cease. Maybe the way the universe is run is the first entities into a black hole singularity become the next god, or gods. That'd be interesting- building a universe alongside Christina. She promotes order and logic; Natalie, the engineer, has long since given up on the precise nature of the sciences. Which seems strange, but after the life support systems gave out, immediately cutting life support to those inside the crew pods (she remembers their names, has them engraved into her pod's side, but never removed the bodies; they sit with the windows displaying their faces covered by little black cloths cut of their uniforms), and Natalie fixed the damn thing only after trying everything in three manuals only to fix it by hitting it with her wrench out of despair, she's given up on everything entirely. Everything except Christina.

And this is why. Christina turning is why; her skeptical glance as she says these words is why. "So you want to have a last meal now is what you're saying."

They've had several last meals before, once as a crew when the black hole first tugged on the ship, pulling it firmly into its grasp like a child would clutch a new toy; another when the life support systems failed- Natalie skipped that one- a third before they passed around the last of the sleeping pills for all to share (Christina took sugar pills for a reason she has not yet disclosed; Natalie woke up, having been given empty capsules, and she will never know who it was who removed the powder and probably double-dosed themselves).

And now they're down to the MREs, the meals ready to eat, and that last pinch of tea leaves from earth that Natalie's been saving for something. Not a miracle; even if she believed in those she wouldn't be given one, not a rescue; they're too far into the event horizon, and have been for years. Decades. Perhaps eons, depending on how time outside them flows. It begs a question of how old the damn black hole is; in its own time, it might still be in its infancy. Regardless- these, Natalie thinks with a smirk, are now the oldest tea leaves in the universe by nature of time dilation. A pity there are only two beings capable of sharing what drink comes from them.

"No last meals just yet." Natalie presses her face to the window. "We're still pretty far out."

"You said that the last time. It all looks the same, you know."

"But we are. Define 'far out' for me, will you? You can't. It's relative." She walks back across the ship, pacing the deck she's come to know all so well (thirty paces long, twelve across; one and a half Natalies to the ceiling, or one and one-quarter Christinas). "Sure, there's no one coming to save us. Sure, we can die at any moment, and even then, what if the singularity doesn't kill us? But imagine. We're millennia old by now. We're sitting in a spinning whirlpool made of dead suns and failed stars and hell, probably of the stuff the universe was made of in the beginning. We could be gods."

"Gods don't die."

"Says who? I bet there are a million who've died. The god in a kid's head who he prays to when there's no religion put in it yet, but he believes that maybe something bigger is out there, 'cause he doesn't know why it rains, it just does. His own rain god, who can help him stop crying. That kind of god."

"You sure they didn't recruit you on this damn mission as the shrink?" Christina asks. "You could be. Listen to yourself."

"I do. I'm telling myself that this is the best ending I could've asked for. If we die, it's painless; if we live, we inherit the secret of the universe. Black holes are secretly giant time machines. Imagine."

"I don't want to." Christina follows Natalie's progress around the ship as she heads back into the crew quarters, moving amidst the pods. Eighteen now are coffins; two, standing one across from the other, are still capable of sustaining life. "What're you doing?"

"Shh." Natalie peels down the cloth from one pod, exposing one pair of closed eyes. Her name was Brittany, Natalie thinks; she was our captain, and it wasn't her fault she needed to sleep. She moves on to the next. And the next.

"Why are you doing that?" Christina persists. It is her nature. She persists even in a place that by all laws of nature will kill her, and her survival thus far is defiance of these laws.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Natalie walks back around to Christina's side. Behind her there are eighteen makeshift funeral shrouds, turned down at their tops. "We're ending, but while we are, the world we know may already be gone. We don't know how much time's gone by. So we should enjoy it, or something." She shrugs, pulls the straps on the captain's seat aside and sits in it. "Come on," she says, patting the co-pilot's chair. "Sit."

"What good does this do us?"

"Nothing, really." Natalie places her feet up on the control board. Several switches flip on; outside there are flaps extending, the feeble firing of an engine that's run out of fuel long ago. These switches matter in the long run like everything else, like nothing. "It's just beautiful."

It really isn't. There shouldn't be anything beautiful about a death you can't see coming. But Christina looks anyway. It's the same as before, the light spinning out of reach in its frantic dance to escape. The light, she realizes, can never accept what is coming. It will always try to escape, whereas she and Natalie have made what peace they can and linger on.

Maybe that, in itself, is beautiful. And maybe the light that passes over twenty pairs of eyes- two open, eighteen shut forever- isn't what beauty is made of, but rather the absence of it that looms out of sight, the singularity that pulls them in, where even the constant of death may not be a constant at all.
A Moment
I was supposed to be working on a fanfiction of mine but then this happened. I was going to try and write this as a fanfic, but this entire thing doesn't really lend itself well to that sort of imposition, so I threw some OCs in there and this was what happened. 

Context: The characters are on a mission into space that flew too close to a black hole and got sucked in past the event horizon. Things happen.   


Add a Comment:
RTJGSketch Featured By Owner May 11, 2015  Student Digital Artist
Thank you so so much for the watch! I really appreciate it!
Mako-Fufu Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2015  Professional General Artist
Thanks a lot for the +watch! :hug:
KarolyBurnford Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Again, thank you so much for watching me!  Here is the link to the relevant journal entry.
strawberryblume Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thanks so much for the favorite darling
jayscriminal Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
and thank you for the favorite ^__^ xD
amaterasu111 Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013   Digital Artist
Thanks a lot for the fav! :)
Sargerogue Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
Thanks for the fav!
obeama Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2011  Hobbyist
SigmaSword Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2011  Student Writer
lololllll keep it up!
Espyrn Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2011
Took me forever to find you. ._.
Add a Comment: